Bad Fanfic! No Biscuit!

My Dark Lover

By Siubhan

This badfic, which beautifully demonstrates the evilness that is Mary Sue (read our explanation of what Mary Sue is), was written by Siubhan (email her / see her website) and involves the characters of "Star Wars: The Phantom Menace." The author's explanation of the badfic elements of this story is given at the end of the page. Click here to skip directly to the Notes. Or, click any footnote.

When I was only seventeen, he came for me 1. I had been training since I was fourteen to be the perfect courtesan, and had exceeded the expectations of all my instructors 2. I wasn't supposed to be placed yet, but there was no more they could teach me. I was already an expert in dancing, painting, singing, healing, cooking, martial arts, massage, sex, and seventeen languages 3. Now it was time to let me practice my arts.

When he came, all the girls ready for placement were brought out for his inspection. He stormed in, power radiating off of him in waves, and it took all my strength to keep from swooning on the spot. That black face, those yellow eyes, those red tattoos, that powerful stride. He was power incarnate. Several of the other girls fainted, and he scowled at them for their weakness. 4

He walked down the line, his glowing yellow eyes inspecting each of us. It felt like he was devouring us with his eyes, the power coming off him was so great. I saw him moving towards me, eyes burning, raking over me from head to toe. My hair: raven-black and hanging below my waist. My eyes: large and violet, fringed with thick black lashes. My lips: blood red and shaped like Cupid's bow. My skin: like fresh cream. My body: petite and lithe, with pert breasts and a tiny waist.5 I hoped he would find me pleasing. 6

He grinned, a savage, feral grin that made my heart hammer in my chest like a frightened bird that had just seen a hungry cat. 7 I felt as if I would faint, but I stood my ground. I wanted him to take me, to ravage me, to love me. But I was just a humble courtesan. Love was not something I was allowed to have. 8

He took my chin in his black-gloved hand and purred 9, "What is your name, my raven-haired beauty?" 10

"Lady Arielle Alexis Morgaine Katarina RavenWing MorningGlory," 11 I replied nervously.

"Lady Arielle," he purred, bending at the waist and kissing my hand with his oh-so-hot lips. 12 "I will have you."

"Yes, my lord," I said with a curtsey, eyes lowered demurely. I couldn't look directly into those eyes. When I did, my thoughts were filled with such obscenities that a hot flush crept over my cheeks. He chuckled. Could he read my thoughts?

I went back to my chamber and packed my things. All my gauzy nighties, all my flimsy dance costumes, all my see-through hanging-around-the-house clothes. Plus I packed my silver hairbrush, my perfumes, my massage creams, and all my herbal remedies. Several of the other girls collected my things and accompanied me to his ship. They all cried and hugged me. I would miss them so, but I could not wait to start my life with this dark warrior. 13

Once we boarded his ship, he motioned for me to sit next to him in the cockpit. Swiftly bringing the ship into hyperspace, he set the autopilot and looked at me with hungry eyes. I flushed hotly, my panties moistening with anticipation. 14 "I will have you," he purred. "Right now."

"Yes, my lord," I stammered.

He surged to his feet, swept me into his arms, and strode back into the bowels of the ship. We entered a dark room, illuminated only by candles, and he gently placed me on a black-sheeted feather bed. "So beautiful," he purred, stroking my face with his gloved hand. 15

"Let me undress you, my lord," I offered, remembering my training.

"No," he purred. "Just lie back, my raven-haired beauty. Let me do all the work."

"But my lord..."

"This is what I wish," he purred.

"Yes, my lord," I said, trembling with anticipation.

He slowly pulled off his gloves, setting them neatly on the bedside table. Then he removed his black robe, hanging it on a coatrack at the foot of the bed. Next came his thick leather belt, which he placed in the closet, then his boots, which also went in the closet. His black tunic was next, and I gasped as he revealed the firmly-muscled physique of his chest. 16 The tattoos did indeed extend beyond his face. Finally, off came the pants, and I gasped again at the size and decoration of his swollen manhood. 17 He was so big, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to accommodate him. Tears sprung unbidden to my eyes at that disappointing thought. Would he reject me? 18

Folding his tunic and pants neatly and placing them on a chair, my dark stallion purred, "Hush, Lady Arielle. I will be gentle with you. I would never reject one as lovely as yourself."

He crawled on the bed, moving like a sleek cat, and sat beside me. 19 "My lord..." I whispered. It felt like my heart was stopping up my throat. He was so magnificent. How was it that I deserved this?

"Hush," he purred, running his hot fingers down the side of my face. "I shall do all the work. Lie back, my darling." His gentle fingers moved to the fastenings of my gauzy top and freed my heaving bosom from its confines. He brought his mouth down to my rosy nipples and suckled them, and I swooned with delight. He was so talented, my dark one! I threaded my fingers through his horns, and listened to him purr with contentment.

"You have found my soft spot," he purred, then fluttered one hand down to unfasten my gauzy pants. Pulling them down, he fondled my moist silk panties, and as I squirmed and moaned, purred, "You are juicy for me already."

"Yes...yes my lord!" I gasped.

"You may call me Maul," he purred before he pulled my panties down with his teeth. His hot mouth closed over my rosy bud, and I climaxed on the spot, sobbing with release. 20

"I am sorry, my lord," I apologized through my tears. "I should have waited for you."

"Your pleasure is more important than mine," he purred, 21 then closed his mouth over my own. His kisses made me delirious. He tasted like cinnamon, all hot and spicy, yet sweet, and I could taste the tang of my essence on his tongue. 22 His hands roamed all over my petite, firm body, and I was soon squirming with delight again and again as climax after climax crashed over me. 23 But I felt incomplete. I had to have him inside me! I needed him to fill me with his essence. 24

"All in good time," Maul purred, reaching between my legs and coaxing yet another climax out of me with his skillful manipulations.

"Oh! But I need you inside me!" I cried as the last climax washed over me.

"Now, my darling," he purred. "Now you will have me."

"Yes, yes my dark one!" I cried, spreading my legs and arms wide. "Come to me! Fill me with your essence!"

He leaned forward and kissed me tenderly again, his tongue caressing mine, then slowly eased his gigantic manhood into the tender flower of my love. All my fears evaporated as I eagerly took him in, feeling him fill me completely with himself. I was opening like a flower beneath him. Why had I been afraid? I had been made to contain him. It was so right. 25

He slowly started rocking in and out of me, and I wrapped my arms and legs tightly around his well-muscled body. I could smell his sweat: a manly musk. 26 I moaned into his mouth as I felt myself building to yet another climax. How could this be? I should have been sated by now. His tongue thrust into my mouth in tempo with the thrusts of his hips, 27 and I could feel his body tightening with ecstasy. We were both so very close.

His lips broke from mine, and he stared down at me tenderly. "My love..." he purred.

"Oh, yes! My love!" I cried back.

And then the world exploded around us like a supernova. 28

When I slowly came to, 29 he was nestled behind me, arm wrapped protectively around my slender waist. "You're awake," he purred.

"Yes, my love." I could feel my heart overflowing.

"We must reveal this to no one. I am a Sith lord, and my master would surely kill you if he found out."

I turned and looked into his eyes, which were glistening with unshed tears. "But why?" I asked, tears overflowing from my big violet eyes.

"Because my life is devoted to evil, and you are a beautiful creature of good. You are the refuge for my soul. My soulmate. My love. You are the beauty which the Sith seek to destroy. I need you to keep myself whole, to keep my soul from being destroyed." 30

"I will live in secret, my love," I vowed. "For you."

He crushed me against him, kissing me with fierce love, then rose from the bed. "I must pilot the ship to my secret hideaway. I will be back." He put his neatly-folded pants and tunic back on, then his belt, then his boots. Then he left.

We spent the next few months together. I stayed in his hideaway, and he went on missions for his master. 31 While he was away, I decorated the place, giving it a woman's touch. I wove tapestries for the walls, made beautiful pottery, created several stained glass windows, and did a needlepoint of his nude body. I also practiced my dancing and my new-found telepathy, taught myself three new languages, made myself new gauzy lingerie for his pleasure, and spent hours brushing my long raven hair with my silver hairbrush. 32 When he came back from a mission, I used my healing arts to make his aches well again, then we passed the rest of our time together in blissful lovemaking. He constantly amazed me by wringing climax after climax out of my delicate body before taking me for his pleasure. We were deeply in love. This was truly my destiny.

As such, it was no surprise when I became pregnant. I was thrilled to have a piece of him growing inside me. I knew the moment it happened. As his hot seed entered my body, I felt something quickening inside me. We had produced a child. 33 A son. My lover's legacy. And while Maul was happy, he was also sad.

"I must send you away," Maul purred as his hands stroked my gently swollen belly.

"But why, my lover?" I cried. "Why must you send me and your son away?"

"Because Sidious will surely sense my son and have you both killed. He will be strong in the Force, and Sidious will fear him." 34

"I will not let that happen," I vowed. "I will take your son somewhere safe and raise him away from Sidious's prying eyes."

"I knew you would understand," he purred, tears dripping down his face.

We made love again, and then I left to go into hiding. I never saw my lover again until he died on Naboo and his spirit came to visit me. No words were spoken, but his ghost tenderly caressed my hugely swollen belly, caressed our son, who stirred inside me at his touch. Then he vanished.35

When his son arrives, I will raise him in secret to keep him away from Maul's master. Our son will be raised to be just like his father: a dark warrior with a poet's soul. His name will be Lord Khameir, Son of Maul, for he will need none of my name as his own. I will love him, nurture him, then set him out to avenge his father's death. 36

And I will never take another lover. How could any man replace my Maul?

My dark lover. 37



1. A sign that you're about to read truly bad Mary Sue is the first person narrative. The author is so wrapped up in the character that she can't even use the third person.
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2. Mary Sue as courtesan is a classic as well. Her life is already wrapped up in providing pleasure for a man.
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3. Mary Sue can do anything!
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4. Note skillful use of the word "power" over and over again. And Maul is kinda evil. Look at him scowl! Also, isn't it amazing how our Mary Sue knows what he's thinking?
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5. Isn't she preeeeeeeetty? And she's smaller than him. Very important.
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6. Aw, she's humble too!
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7. Metaphor!
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8. Aw, poor Mary Sue!
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9. Maul always purrs. Unless he's growling.
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10. Wow! He's fallen for her already! She must be special!
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11. What a beauuuuuuuuuutiful name. She must really be special. And she's a lady, even though she's a courtesan. Impossible? Not for Mary Sue!
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12. Sith Lords are warmer than regular beings. Why? Must be all that sexual energy or something.
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13. Plucky and well-dressed. Plus our heroine gets to compete against a crowd of other women, come out victorious, and yet they still all love her.
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14. At this point, the author's undies are wet and she feels compelled to point that out to you. Not this author, mind you. At this point, I'm cringing in agony and keeping my computer at arm's length.
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15. He may be a Sith, but he's damned romantic. Aw!
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16. Isn't the level of detail thoughtful?
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17. Note use of flowery language for body parts and sex. This author is clearly a highly educated woman writing erotica. She would never want anyone to think this is porn. Porn is filthy.
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18. Because all men worth falling for are hung like Clydesdales.
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19. Bestiality is sexy. Wait, no, comparing men to beasts is sexy. Bestiality is wrong.
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20. Aw, she's so excited that she came really easily the first time!
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21. Isn't he a sweet Sith?
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22. He's so lovely that he already tastes like a breath mint.
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23. It's so good of him to give her a bunch of orgasms.
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24. But hey, no orgasm compares to one you get when you have a penis stuffed in you, especially if he squirts his jizm up your twat.
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25. Of course it's perfectly natural that he can stuff that massive log inside her without splitting her open like an over-ripe cantaloupe. This is true love, dammit!
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26. Yes, musk. Musk is sexy.
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27. Wow, that's sexy.
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28. Their love makes them climax. How sweet! And it's a joint orgasm!
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29. Any orgasm that doesn't knock you unconscious is just not worth having.
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30. Aw, he's not totally evil! He needs her! How romantic!
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31. Because true love means giving up your life for your man. And isn't it amazing how he managed to pluck his true love out of a lineup?
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32. Wow! She can do anything!
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33. True love requires breeding for completion. As does true womanhood.
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34. Oh! Sidious is so evil!
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35. Sniff! How tragic!
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36. Every mother's dream.
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37. And then the author clearly runs out of steam.
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Last updated June 13, 2000